Have you ever felt that feeling? The feeling where you have so much to say, but no matter how hard you try, no one will ever understand. Have you ever felt that your privacy is totally gone. Everyone seems to know all that happened in your life, your relationship. And they place themselves such a warrior. They think your life is going into a wrong direction. And think you're too blind to realize. That's exactly the feeling i have right now.
34 years i've lived in this world. With dreams, passion, goal, ambition. And they all destroyed into pieces. And no matter how hard you try to explain, everyone is gonna blaming me. My family, my friends, my boyfriend, and everyone who pretend like knowing so much about me.
God.... are you there? Tell me how long i have to survive this situation? 3 months? Are there gonna be another years of darkness ahead? You always asked me to just follow the process and trust You. But now I can't hold it anymore. I feel like i have no meaning at all. And everyone surround me is staring with pity expression. It breaks my heart 😭😭😭
I have a dream to lift my family up, to make them smile, to be proud of their daughter for the achievement. But what now? I'm just nothing, no dream, no passion, no ability, no money, nothing... really nothing. Even love seems so blur in this situation. I feel cold inside. Smiling outside but crying inside. Warm outside but so cold inside.
God.... where are You? How many more tears i have to pour out from my eyes? How much more pain i need to handle? And how long....? I can't stand it. I'm counting down in 3 months. And if nothing happened during those period, i'm done.
I'm tired to fake all my feeling. I'm tired to be a pretender. Deep inside i feel like a trash. I wish i could be like what people say. Leave them all, just go where your heart take you and follow it. That easy, huh? Did they know that i'm trying so hard to ignore. But this is me. I was born this way. And i have different feeling. I care so much for everyone. Even sometimes the one you love never understand that you did it because you care. But this is myself. I was born this way. 😢😢😢
God, i'm really tired..i can do stupid thing if i want to. But i know they all still need me. My family need me. I don't want to make people sad even if i have to hurt myself. God... i can't handle this feeling anymore. Please do something.....
I'm waiting.....
Tired of waiting....
But here i am...
Still waiting
With tears in my eyes
With emptiness in my heart
With fear in my mind
Please show me....
What my life is meant to be.
😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭
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